


Nobody, no home

by Dhost (NandaWrites)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Rose, Angst, F/F, Feelings, Homesickness, How Kanaya felt watching Rose destroy herself, Loneliness, Powerlessness, Stream of Consciousness, twisted feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7532797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NandaWrites/pseuds/Dhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was maddening and sickening and painful and there were days where she just wanted to grab Rose by her shoulders and shake her until she could force her brain to start working again." -  Set sometime while they were travelling on the asteroid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody, no home

**Author's Note:**

> This was a birthday gift I gave to my friend a long time ago and a repost from my FFNet account. It was somewhat based on the song "Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne and the title is a play with that, I hope you all like it.

Another drink was gone and it was painful to look at her.

One more and Kanaya was cringing on her seat at every slurred, babbled word that left her mouth.

Yet another one and she started feeling sick, even though it wasn't her stomach that was being assaulted with that sweet smelling human poison and it wasn't her brain being destroyed and shut down little by little until any hopes of keeping even a straight line of conversation were lost.

Another one, and another one and another one and it hurt so much she wanted to just get up from the chair she was sitting in and run as fast as she could until she got to the furthest, darkest corner of that goddamned asteroid and hid in it so she wouldn't have to witness that sick deliberate form of self destruction anymore.

Somewhere where that drunk giggle didn't fill her ears and the sight of Rose barely able to walk in a straight line didn't clog up her vision.

But, most importantly, somewhere where she could just shut down the memories. The never ending parade of past moments and conversations that filled most of them. It seemed like before all they did was talk, for hours and hours about nothing and everything, each trying to surpass the other in knowledge or in conjectures.

It was what she missed most: their wit battles, the well-spoken young girl that could skim through theories about how their universe and their mission would work just as easily as she could come up with stories about bearded wizards.

It was all gone, lost in a never ending babble that was barely coherent in the best of days. What was it about the Mayor, again? Oh, never mind, that topic was long gone by now.

It was maddening and sickening and painful and there were days where she just wanted to grab Rose by her shoulders and shake her until she could force her brain to start working again. Shake her and don't stop until she was actually listening to her, until all that poison was gone from her body, until she was back to normal.

But she couldn't get herself to do that. And she couldn't get herself to get up and leave either, because she knew why she was doing this. Even if it infuriated her more than anything, she could see the reasons behind all this.

Rose was homesick.

She wanted her mother and her house and her _life_ back. She didn't want anything to do with Lord English and secret weapons and living in an asteroid. Like all of them, she just wanted to go home, go back to the place where she actually belonged and get rid of all these problems.

And Kanaya could understand that, she really could. She understood they all had different ways of dealing with what life had quite literally thrown into their laps like a fallen meteor.

Karkat and Dave were taking solace in each other's company, Terezi was God knows where running after that clown, Gamzee was… Well, better not get into that, she didn't need the clown haunting her thoughts on top of everything.

And Rose was here, clinging to her human poisons, the last thing she had that connected her to her mother, to that life that was broken and smashed beyond repair. Hiding her true feelings under liters and liters of drinks.

And it didn't matter how much she wanted, Kanaya couldn't do anything. She could just stand by her side and watch her make the same mistake over and over again. Too worried, too hopeful, too in love to stay anywhere that wasn't by this girl's side, even if it was killing her just as much as she was certain it was killing the other.

But she knew she would have to gather her courage and step in soon. Their time was almost over, and she knew they would need Rose to be on her best shape in order to actually go through with this mission.

Because it didn't matter how much they all wanted to run away from this reality, they had no way of going back. There was nobody home waiting for them to be back. There wasn't even a _home_ for which to go back to anymore.

All there was was the future. The hope she would be able to save her race once she got to this new session, the hope Rose would gather her strength to get over this and the hope that they would all get new lives in a new world. But above all the hope that, when she got that new life, Rose would be right by her side.

The thought stirred something in her and she opened her mouth to start protesting, to try and shake her away from this pitiful state, to let the sarcasm tint her words at every slurred and useless answer, like she has been wanting to do for weeks now.

But when she looks up and sees Rose's eyes, they bear such sadness, she can't get herself to actually open her mouth.

Tomorrow, she promised herself. Just let her have one more day of blissful ignorance and then she would put an end to all this.

One way or another.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a prompt at [nandawrites](http://www.nandawrites.tumblr.com)!


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